Coffee Jokes

• you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• you lick your coffee pot clean.
• you can type 60 words per minute with your feet.
• you have to watch videos in fast-forward to prevent boredom.
• your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
• you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
• you can take a picture of yourself from 10 feet away without using the timer.
• can jump start your car without cables.
• you don't need a hammer to pound nails.
• you buy sugar by the barrel.
• you wear the finish off your coffee table.
• you are so wired, you pic up AM radio.
• you channel surf faster without a remote.
• you are offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
• you short out motion detectors.
• the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.
• the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• Kramer of Seinfeld thinks you need to calm down.
• you name your cats Cream & Sugar.
• your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
• your nervous twitches register on the Richter scale.
• you think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
• you're employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
• you chew on other people's fingernails.
• you don't sweat, you percolate.
• you walk ten miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
• your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
• when someone says how are you? you say "good to the last drop."
• you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• you don't tan, you roast.
• you don't get mad, you get steamed.
• you think C.P.R. stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
• all of your children are named Joe.
• you go to an AA meeting just to get the free coffee.
• your T-shirt says Decaf Rules!
• you are able to outlast the energizer bunny.
• you get drunk just so you can sober up.
• your survival kit has a pound of coffee & a grinder.
• you speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
• you sleep with your eyes open.
• your hand is molded to the shape of your coffee mug.
• you answer your door before anyone knocks.
• you spend every vacation in Kona, Hawaii.
• your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.
• you have your blood tested, the results come back in acidity levels.
• Juan Valdez sends you a thank you card.